


If Chip Were Captain of the Seaview, There'd be Some Changes Made

by OldPingHai



Category: Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea
Genre: Chip is captain instead of Lee, Crack Fic, Exactly one swear word, Gen, just for fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-24
Updated: 2014-06-24
Packaged: 2018-02-06 00:09:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1837195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OldPingHai/pseuds/OldPingHai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A conversation in script format between Captain Chip Morton and Admiral Harriman Nelson regarding what to do about the Seaview's rather inept Executive Officer, Lee Crane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Chip Were Captain of the Seaview, There'd be Some Changes Made

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story years ago and just unearthed it the other day. Sadly, the tabs I set aren't working, so it won't be formatted as nicely as I had intended. My apologies!

****

**If Chip Were Captain of the Seaview  
(There’d be Some Changes Made…)**

_Admiral’s cabin, interior. There is a knock at the door. The Admiral, who has been sitting at his desk staring blankly at the ceiling, now busily pretends to be doing Something Very Important._

**Admiral:** Come in. 

_The door opens, and the Captain of the Seaview enters._

**Captain:** Admiral, I’d like to speak to you for a minute.

 **Admiral:** Of course, Chip. What is it?

 **Captain:** Sir, it’s about the Exec… _[hesitates, searching for the right words]_

 **Admiral:** Lee Crane? What about him?

 **Captain:** Well, sir…I’m wondering if it wouldn’t be best to replace him.

 **Admiral:** Replace him? Why in the world would you want to do that? I admit he’s no genius,  
but he seems competent enough.

 **Captain:** Frankly, Admiral, I’m worried about his health. He seems somewhat sickly. I mean,  
he faints at the drop of a hat. He’s cracked his head on the deck more times than I  
can count. If anyone on board is going to get shot or beat up or tortured, he’s the  
one; and his mind has been taken over by every telepathic alien we’ve ever run across.  
That all has to be taking its toll, sir. 

**Admiral:** Yes, I know; but he’s been thoroughly checked out by the ship’s doctor several times.  
He can’t find a thing wrong with Crane.

 **Captain:** _[a bit reluctantly]_ Yes, sir — that’s something else I wanted to talk to you about — the  
ship’s doctor.

 **Admiral:** Don’t tell me you want to replace him, too?

 **Captain:** Actually, that might not be a bad idea. There **are** a couple of strange things about  
him.

 **Admiral:** Such as?

 **Captain:** Well, sir, he can’t diagnose a common cold, if you ask me — and even though he’s  
been with us a while now, no one seems to know his name.

 **Admiral:** You mean, you don’t know it either? What a relief! I thought it was just me.

 **Captain:** No, sir. It’s not just you. I checked around — **no one** knows it.

 **Admiral:** Interesting. _[clears his throat noisily]_ Very well, Chip. I’ll take your recommendations  
under advisement. You’re dismissed — before you decide to shitcan **me**.

_Nelson and Morton share a few good chuckles, but Chip looks like he might be working at it a bit hard. Fortunately, Nelson never notices._


End file.
